I am so sorry... I have been too pre-occupied with mid semester exams in the past week. I miss everybody and I'm thankful for all the comments. My short experience here on blogger has been wonderful and I love all of you but I have decided to move to wordpress for one of many reasons.
My blog was marked as spam, twice!(In like less than two months of blogging). So its going to be the same content under a different title. I have had many issues with posting on several occasions. This is not to say I entirely hate blogger as I have another blog on it, I'm just up for a different blogging experience I think.
The most amazing thing is the people on blogger, that I am so loyal to.
So I ask, Please move with me... update your links and stuff.
ps: all your comments are still intact.
I have to go do my blog rounds now.
xoxo
This is the new Blog: Tales & Tallies
I think I may just be very primitive because, I just found out how to do the blog roll tingy and still have no clue to use the RSS reader stuff. The Irony, that I am a technology student.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I feel...
I feel that each time I call and I don't get you, I am reminded of how distant your are from me.
Each time you ask me to call makes me feel like I have all the responsibilities on my shoulder.
I feel that I have waited long enough to see you laugh, cry, smile, joke sleep and all the usual stuff people take for granted, and I am still waiting.
I may have given my heart out to a total stranger, but how do I choose who I fall for.
I feel that no matter what anyone says or does, I am thinking with my heart right now to do what's best for us. Not because I am stubborn, but because I maybe too much in love.
I feel that you may be too 'right' a boyfriend it feels almost wrong to have you.
I feel I maybe making a premature commitment by promising to love you forever, not because I don't love you now but because you may not love me tomorrow.
I feel cheated out of the life I would have had If you were not here but also sold into the idea of having you forever.
I feel exactly what people feel about their ex's, having loved and lost, I fear that may happen to me.
I feel if I shall lose you soon, then please come at a later time when I shall have the strength to try not to lose you.
I feel I have committed all of me into us, and if it doesn't work, I will not be willing to give it a second shot.
I feel loved, undeservingly, and I may never be sure that you yourself deserve me, when there is no 'us'.
But I Care...
because of all the things I feel, I'm not sure if I should give up on this love.
...???
Each time you ask me to call makes me feel like I have all the responsibilities on my shoulder.
I feel that I have waited long enough to see you laugh, cry, smile, joke sleep and all the usual stuff people take for granted, and I am still waiting.
I may have given my heart out to a total stranger, but how do I choose who I fall for.
I feel that no matter what anyone says or does, I am thinking with my heart right now to do what's best for us. Not because I am stubborn, but because I maybe too much in love.
I feel that you may be too 'right' a boyfriend it feels almost wrong to have you.
I feel I maybe making a premature commitment by promising to love you forever, not because I don't love you now but because you may not love me tomorrow.
I feel cheated out of the life I would have had If you were not here but also sold into the idea of having you forever.
I feel exactly what people feel about their ex's, having loved and lost, I fear that may happen to me.
I feel if I shall lose you soon, then please come at a later time when I shall have the strength to try not to lose you.
I feel I have committed all of me into us, and if it doesn't work, I will not be willing to give it a second shot.
I feel loved, undeservingly, and I may never be sure that you yourself deserve me, when there is no 'us'.
But I Care...
because of all the things I feel, I'm not sure if I should give up on this love.
...???
Z: That fateful night...
---Cont. from a previous post---
***Fast-forward a few months later and frequent phone calls mostly from him, we were both in the same town.
He invites me for his sister's wedding which I show up for without hesitation. And If I may so myself, I looked good! He later informed me on how everyone was complimenting my look at the wedding and inquiring about my identity. He was more than thrilled to have been seen with me. He came to my house a few more times in the absence of my very strict father.
On this particular night, I was feeling like a risque specialist and decided to spend time alone with him in his car. My love for taking rides under the night sky with the city lights shining got the best of me. We were able to go to a few spots, enjoy the wonderful views and get a parking space around the corner. The plan was to gist about nothing in particular at all(as an aside, he is not good at holding conversations). As it turned out, more happened that night. He started to flirt with me heavily, saying even less and acting more. He flicked the hair behind my hair and let his hand linger for a bit as he briefly touched me. I wasn't completely ignorant of the fact that this was gonna happen, knowing well he could melt like butter If I complied with him. Complied I did, after a little contemplation. Not that him breathing against my ear and the nape of my neck helped.
I tried to resist, muttering these words gently; "Please, I can't do this... not now, just don't". He teasingly replied, "do what?", pretending not to know what effect he was having on me despite my protests.
"Don't do whatever this is ... whatever we're doing, or about to do", I stammered. "It's just really complicated right now, I'm going through a break up"
"So what...?Its not like I'm doing anything". He kept his gaze on me as I looked away. I really wanted him to stop but I couldn't help my self because brushing his lips on neck and behind my ear was 'Oh so tempting!'. He turned my face towards him and headed for the big dive. He kissed me, I pulled back at first and then we kissed some more. After taking a break to catch our breath, we suddenly realized that the front sit would be slightly uncomfortable for the next line of action. He suggested and I nodded. I gleefully jumped to the back seat without thinking to maybe use the door, he followed suit. He leaned in to finish up what he had started, but my older cousin beat him to it.
I picked up the phone with disgust to hear the other caller's voice say it was too late for me to stay outside, I needed to go back home. We relocated to our previous positions with his eyes on the road and mine focused on my side of the window. I could swear the ride back home was longer(including fact that we used the express highway and there was no traffic).
For the most part, it was uncomfortable as no words were shared. If any were, they might have been irrelevant or I was too bothered about the aftermath of my actions to remember. As he dropped me off at home, we shared a hug and parting pleasantries. I walked to my gate slowly with my head down, almost missing his wave as he drove off.
In that moment, all my thoughts came into coherence. I realized my folly to have led him on. I knew Z was not the kind of guy to give up so easily. He didn't before, why would he now? Was that wave symbolic of some assurance that I just gave him?some kind of new found confidence that we could have something more? If only he knew that this night meant nothing to me, except confirming that in fact, I had no feelings for him whatsoever.
***Fast-forward a few months later and frequent phone calls mostly from him, we were both in the same town.
He invites me for his sister's wedding which I show up for without hesitation. And If I may so myself, I looked good! He later informed me on how everyone was complimenting my look at the wedding and inquiring about my identity. He was more than thrilled to have been seen with me. He came to my house a few more times in the absence of my very strict father.
On this particular night, I was feeling like a risque specialist and decided to spend time alone with him in his car. My love for taking rides under the night sky with the city lights shining got the best of me. We were able to go to a few spots, enjoy the wonderful views and get a parking space around the corner. The plan was to gist about nothing in particular at all(as an aside, he is not good at holding conversations). As it turned out, more happened that night. He started to flirt with me heavily, saying even less and acting more. He flicked the hair behind my hair and let his hand linger for a bit as he briefly touched me. I wasn't completely ignorant of the fact that this was gonna happen, knowing well he could melt like butter If I complied with him. Complied I did, after a little contemplation. Not that him breathing against my ear and the nape of my neck helped.
I tried to resist, muttering these words gently; "Please, I can't do this... not now, just don't". He teasingly replied, "do what?", pretending not to know what effect he was having on me despite my protests.
"Don't do whatever this is ... whatever we're doing, or about to do", I stammered. "It's just really complicated right now, I'm going through a break up"
"So what...?Its not like I'm doing anything". He kept his gaze on me as I looked away. I really wanted him to stop but I couldn't help my self because brushing his lips on neck and behind my ear was 'Oh so tempting!'. He turned my face towards him and headed for the big dive. He kissed me, I pulled back at first and then we kissed some more. After taking a break to catch our breath, we suddenly realized that the front sit would be slightly uncomfortable for the next line of action. He suggested and I nodded. I gleefully jumped to the back seat without thinking to maybe use the door, he followed suit. He leaned in to finish up what he had started, but my older cousin beat him to it.
I picked up the phone with disgust to hear the other caller's voice say it was too late for me to stay outside, I needed to go back home. We relocated to our previous positions with his eyes on the road and mine focused on my side of the window. I could swear the ride back home was longer(including fact that we used the express highway and there was no traffic).
For the most part, it was uncomfortable as no words were shared. If any were, they might have been irrelevant or I was too bothered about the aftermath of my actions to remember. As he dropped me off at home, we shared a hug and parting pleasantries. I walked to my gate slowly with my head down, almost missing his wave as he drove off.
In that moment, all my thoughts came into coherence. I realized my folly to have led him on. I knew Z was not the kind of guy to give up so easily. He didn't before, why would he now? Was that wave symbolic of some assurance that I just gave him?some kind of new found confidence that we could have something more? If only he knew that this night meant nothing to me, except confirming that in fact, I had no feelings for him whatsoever.
How I met this nagger
This guy I am going to write about, lets call him Z. He is a nagger!
Me and Z had something going on sometime last year, at about the time I was in a very confused state of my life. Well, we met randomly at a party and I could tell I caught his eye. The party was for a little cousin of mine and expectantly, it was full of two or three year olds. Seeing there was nothing more to do than to chaperon little kids, I decided to indulge in a game of 'catch-him-glancing'.
Z was so bad at this, I, an expert... Its a no-brainer that his eyes were fixated on me the entire night. I won! I thought he would get my number by the end of the night, but sadly, he didn't. I moved on to more important things like getting other guys to hit on me because
a) I am not an attention seeker, but I do love to flaunt myself every once in a while.
b) Z was just staring at me, say something... dammit!
c) Another cute guy or two seemed to want my attention and were chatting me up
He and my uncle who accompanied to the party seemed to have the same interests however, as they chatted a way freely.My uncle is only in his late 20's and a few years older than Z. They were able to exchange numbers before we left the party.
"Thank God!", I breathed a sigh of relief. At least, all hope is not lost.
A couple of weeks later, I ran into my uncle chatting with Z on the phone. Knowing fully well the consequences of my next action, I asked that my regards be sent to Z. Give him a few minutes after that conversation and my phone was ringing. I picked up with an innocent voice and recognized Z's voice almost immediately.
me: Hello?
Z: Hey, wassup
... Am speaking to [But-I-Care] right?
me: Yes, who is this? [Having a hunch that he was the one but still playing dumb]
Z: It's me, Z. I just got your number from your uncle.
me: what Z?[I love playing amnesia!]
Z: At the party, you remember? You were with your uncle, It was at this venue and at that time. [I didn't expect him to give a full description!]
me: Oh, its you Z1 I was just telling my uncle to send you my regards. It has really been a while. How are things?
Z: Well, they are good. I just went back to school. I'm glad I finally got your number, I couldn't forgive myself for letting you leave the party without getting it. Been thinking about you all through.
me: Why didn't you then?Get the number, I mean...
Z: You were looking too darn good and I was shy.
me: Oh *sigh*, I thought I was unapproachable [Like I care, at least he noticed me]
Z: Not at all, I didn't know what to say to you.
[Whew!At least no we're talking about something]
xoxo
Me and Z had something going on sometime last year, at about the time I was in a very confused state of my life. Well, we met randomly at a party and I could tell I caught his eye. The party was for a little cousin of mine and expectantly, it was full of two or three year olds. Seeing there was nothing more to do than to chaperon little kids, I decided to indulge in a game of 'catch-him-glancing'.
Z was so bad at this, I, an expert... Its a no-brainer that his eyes were fixated on me the entire night. I won! I thought he would get my number by the end of the night, but sadly, he didn't. I moved on to more important things like getting other guys to hit on me because
a) I am not an attention seeker, but I do love to flaunt myself every once in a while.
b) Z was just staring at me, say something... dammit!
c) Another cute guy or two seemed to want my attention and were chatting me up
He and my uncle who accompanied to the party seemed to have the same interests however, as they chatted a way freely.My uncle is only in his late 20's and a few years older than Z. They were able to exchange numbers before we left the party.
"Thank God!", I breathed a sigh of relief. At least, all hope is not lost.
A couple of weeks later, I ran into my uncle chatting with Z on the phone. Knowing fully well the consequences of my next action, I asked that my regards be sent to Z. Give him a few minutes after that conversation and my phone was ringing. I picked up with an innocent voice and recognized Z's voice almost immediately.
me: Hello?
Z: Hey, wassup
... Am speaking to [But-I-Care] right?
me: Yes, who is this? [Having a hunch that he was the one but still playing dumb]
Z: It's me, Z. I just got your number from your uncle.
me: what Z?[I love playing amnesia!]
Z: At the party, you remember? You were with your uncle, It was at this venue and at that time. [I didn't expect him to give a full description!]
me: Oh, its you Z1 I was just telling my uncle to send you my regards. It has really been a while. How are things?
Z: Well, they are good. I just went back to school. I'm glad I finally got your number, I couldn't forgive myself for letting you leave the party without getting it. Been thinking about you all through.
me: Why didn't you then?Get the number, I mean...
Z: You were looking too darn good and I was shy.
me: Oh *sigh*, I thought I was unapproachable [Like I care, at least he noticed me]
Z: Not at all, I didn't know what to say to you.
[Whew!At least no we're talking about something]
xoxo
Friday, October 3, 2008
PART I: What began as innocent flirting...
So I decided to brief about my current relationship, so you can understand the background of this blog.
I am seriously dating someone I met on facebook randomly. We started chatting and sending messages back and forth. He would occassionally flirt with me and I would respond. When I found out that he had a girlfriend and they had been together for awhile, I decided to stop replying his messages for a bit. Not only that, plus she found the password to his account and sent me some random message about them breaking up, thinking I would just jump on him. PUHLEEEEEEzeee... I had my pride and dignity, besides I was seeing some other person at the time. Things cooled for a bit and then I found that later in the year they actually broke up. I have tried not to dig too much about that as I really do not want to find out if I am the cause.
He has already told me that it was because things got too complicated and she was a very jealous person. Later this year, after he had ample time to mourn the relationship and the break up, he gets back in touch with me. We resume our normal messaging routine, and it was just so spontaenous. It has never felt like he was somebody I have never met. The fact that we have a couple of mutual friends was a bonus, as we had something to always gossip about!lol. He is a good looking chap, I am a good looking chic... he finally asked for my email address. Soon, it became constant IM's!At first a bit awkward 'cuz it was like, "what the hell am I supposed to talk to you about?". You know how IM's are instant and you both have to just be able to flow well together, whereas messages give you time to think and organize your thoughts(to think I was talking about 'our' spontaneity!).
On valentine's day, which was when we resumed our rendevouz... he made me his date compulsorily. It was so cute! Weeks after that, we couldn't literally keep our hands off the laptops; chatting round the clock! We then decided to make this 'thing' we had official.
To be continued...
xoxo
I am seriously dating someone I met on facebook randomly. We started chatting and sending messages back and forth. He would occassionally flirt with me and I would respond. When I found out that he had a girlfriend and they had been together for awhile, I decided to stop replying his messages for a bit. Not only that, plus she found the password to his account and sent me some random message about them breaking up, thinking I would just jump on him. PUHLEEEEEEzeee... I had my pride and dignity, besides I was seeing some other person at the time. Things cooled for a bit and then I found that later in the year they actually broke up. I have tried not to dig too much about that as I really do not want to find out if I am the cause.
He has already told me that it was because things got too complicated and she was a very jealous person. Later this year, after he had ample time to mourn the relationship and the break up, he gets back in touch with me. We resume our normal messaging routine, and it was just so spontaenous. It has never felt like he was somebody I have never met. The fact that we have a couple of mutual friends was a bonus, as we had something to always gossip about!lol. He is a good looking chap, I am a good looking chic... he finally asked for my email address. Soon, it became constant IM's!At first a bit awkward 'cuz it was like, "what the hell am I supposed to talk to you about?". You know how IM's are instant and you both have to just be able to flow well together, whereas messages give you time to think and organize your thoughts(to think I was talking about 'our' spontaneity!).
On valentine's day, which was when we resumed our rendevouz... he made me his date compulsorily. It was so cute! Weeks after that, we couldn't literally keep our hands off the laptops; chatting round the clock! We then decided to make this 'thing' we had official.
To be continued...
xoxo
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Last Call
I am up late thinking about him and wishing he was here as usual.
I called him to let him know I wanted to be the last voice he heard before going to bed and the last thought on his mind. Even though he was feeling half-asleep, he was so moved I could hear it in his voice. He uttered "Awww....I Love You" that sent chills down my spine.
Now, an hour later, I am still up thinking about him and how much I had made his night.
It may not be the first time I've heard him say those words, but the fact they were more real than anything else makes me care.
But I care
xoxo
I called him to let him know I wanted to be the last voice he heard before going to bed and the last thought on his mind. Even though he was feeling half-asleep, he was so moved I could hear it in his voice. He uttered "Awww....I Love You" that sent chills down my spine.
Now, an hour later, I am still up thinking about him and how much I had made his night.
It may not be the first time I've heard him say those words, but the fact they were more real than anything else makes me care.
But I care
xoxo
Intro
Here I am
I'm thinking there are more than a million blogs out there and no one I know will ever find mine.
There is so much to say but I fear for my privacy and most especially of those that will be spoken about.
I hope this blog will be a very rewarding experience for me, a source of cheap therapy, my best friend but most importantly a reflection of the 'true' me.
I have my reservations about living in a high tech age, where the whole world knows Google and if for any insignificant reason someone that knows me stumbles across this, I shall protect my identity vehemently.
I am anonymous blogger, and this is my blog; "But I care".
Enjoy
I'm thinking there are more than a million blogs out there and no one I know will ever find mine.
There is so much to say but I fear for my privacy and most especially of those that will be spoken about.
I hope this blog will be a very rewarding experience for me, a source of cheap therapy, my best friend but most importantly a reflection of the 'true' me.
I have my reservations about living in a high tech age, where the whole world knows Google and if for any insignificant reason someone that knows me stumbles across this, I shall protect my identity vehemently.
I am anonymous blogger, and this is my blog; "But I care".
Enjoy
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